11 Awful John Edwards Pickup Lines

Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC)Chuck Liddy/Raleigh News & Observer/ZumaPress.com

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The way we live now: On Friday, ABC News reported that former Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards has been flirting with a female alternate juror at his trial for allegedly making illegal payments from his campaign fund to cover up an affair. Per the story:

Since the alternates were identified last Thursday, it has been impossible to ignore the dynamic between Edwards and one of the female alternates, an attractive young woman with jet-black hair, who seems to have been flirting with Edwards for days.

The juror clearly instigated the exchanges. She smiles at him. He smiles at her. She giggles. He blushes.

But what does he say? We took a stab at it:

  • “Want to see what a $400 haircut buys? [Winks.]”
  • “Improper use of federal matching funds? More like matching fun, amirite? [Winks.]”
  • “[Points at electronic tracking bracelet.] [Winks.]”
  • “Hello, voir dear [long pause] [winks].”
  • “Shall we adjourn to my place? [Winks.]”
  • “I’ll bring the handcuffs [winks].”
  • “You’ve been acquitting yourself nicely [creepy laughter] [points fingers] [claps] [winks]..”
  • “They say justice is blind. But I can’t take my eyes off of you [winks].”
  • “We can build one America, baby [winks].”
  • “Did it hurt…when you fell from heaven? Because I know a good personal injury lawyer [winks].”

And for old times’ sake…

  • “My daddy worked at a mill all his life.”

Okay, now we need to take a shower.

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SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

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