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The internet toy du jour is a site that supposedly analyzes your writing and tells you which famous writer you most resemble. I’m dubious. I stuck in several blog posts, followed by a few magazine articles of several thousand words each, and it turns out that I write like Dan Brown, Kurt Vonnegut, George Orwell, H.P. Lovecraft, Stephen King, Lovecraft again, Brown again, Brown yet again, and King again.

So I write like everyone. On balance, though, I write like Dan Brown. Which is great news since he’s — what? The best selling author since Yahweh? For some reason, though, my writing income still seems to trail his by a wee amount. What am I doing wrong?

UPDATE: I analyzed some fiction written 30 years ago and got Vonnegut, James Joyce (!), King, Douglas Adams, King, and King. So maybe I’m really more like Stephen King, which would be great too, though his writing riches still elude me.

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BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things they don’t like—which is most things that are true.

No one gets to tell Mother Jones what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please help with a donation today if you can—even a few bucks will make a real difference. A monthly gift would be incredible.

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