Here’s an Abridged Version of the Trump-Zelensky Readout

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The readout of the Trump-Zelensky phone call is fairly short, but I suppose it’s still possible to miss its full import. So just to make things clear, here’s an abridged version of the call. Please note that this is not a joke. It sounds like it, but it’s a legitimate, honest-to-god abridgement:

TRUMP: Congratulations.

ZELENSKY: Thank you. You were a great example to us. We’re going to drain the swamp.

TRUMP: That’s very nice. You know, we do a lot for Ukraine. Way more than those yakky Europeans.

ZELENSKY: Yes indeed. I especially want to thank you for your support in the area of defense. We are ready to buy more weapons from you.

TRUMP: I would like you to do us a favor though. Please look into the DNC server hack. Our attorney general will be calling you about that.

ZELENSKY: Sure, sure, anything for you. I’m appointing a new ambassador so we can continue our strategic partnership.

TRUMP: That’s great. I’d also like you to investigate Joe Biden’s son. Rudy Giuliani and our attorney general will be calling you about that.

ZELENSKY: No problem. The next prosecutor general will be 100 percent my candidate. He or she will look into this.

TRUMP: Great. I’ll have Giuliani and Barr call you. Your economy is going to get better and better, I predict.

ZELENSKY: The last time I was in New York I stayed at the Trump Tower. We’ll be very serious about that investigation of Biden’s son.

TRUMP: Good. Giuliani and Barr will call you.

No quid pro quo? Please. Save that fairy tale for the children.

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Fact:

In-depth journalism that investigates the powerful takes real money and is so damn important right now.But it doesn’t take a Mother Jones investigation to know that billionaires and corporations will never fund the type of reporting (like they do politicians) we do that exists to help bring about change. Instead, our mission-driven journalism is made possible by people power, and has been for 46 years now since our founding as a non-profit.

In “TITLE TK” Monica Bauerlein writes about the perilous moment we’re in, and why it’s so important that we raise $325,000 by the time November’s midterms are decided so we can be ready to throw everything we have at the big issues facing the nation no matter what happens. Please help MoJo’s people-powered journalism with a donation today.

$400,000 to go!

payment methods

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