Here’s an Abridged Version of the Trump-Zelensky Readout

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The readout of the Trump-Zelensky phone call is fairly short, but I suppose it’s still possible to miss its full import. So just to make things clear, here’s an abridged version of the call. Please note that this is not a joke. It sounds like it, but it’s a legitimate, honest-to-god abridgement:

TRUMP: Congratulations.

ZELENSKY: Thank you. You were a great example to us. We’re going to drain the swamp.

TRUMP: That’s very nice. You know, we do a lot for Ukraine. Way more than those yakky Europeans.

ZELENSKY: Yes indeed. I especially want to thank you for your support in the area of defense. We are ready to buy more weapons from you.

TRUMP: I would like you to do us a favor though. Please look into the DNC server hack. Our attorney general will be calling you about that.

ZELENSKY: Sure, sure, anything for you. I’m appointing a new ambassador so we can continue our strategic partnership.

TRUMP: That’s great. I’d also like you to investigate Joe Biden’s son. Rudy Giuliani and our attorney general will be calling you about that.

ZELENSKY: No problem. The next prosecutor general will be 100 percent my candidate. He or she will look into this.

TRUMP: Great. I’ll have Giuliani and Barr call you. Your economy is going to get better and better, I predict.

ZELENSKY: The last time I was in New York I stayed at the Trump Tower. We’ll be very serious about that investigation of Biden’s son.

TRUMP: Good. Giuliani and Barr will call you.

No quid pro quo? Please. Save that fairy tale for the children.

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THE TRUTH...

is the first thing despots go after. An unwavering commitment to it is probably what draws you to Mother Jones' journalism. And as we're seeing in the US and the world around, authoritarians seek to poison the discourse and the way we relate to each other because they can't stand people coming together around a shared sense of the truth—it's a huge threat to them.

Which is also a pretty great way to describe Mother Jones' mission: People coming together around the truth to hold power accountable.

And right now, we need to raise about $400,000 from our online readers over the next two months to hit our annual goal and make good on that mission. Read more about the information war we find ourselves in and how people-powered, independent reporting can and must rise to the challenge—and please support our team's truth-telling journalism with a donation if you can right now.

payment methods

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