Preparations are underway for King Charles’ coronation, a lavish affair that’s expected to see the only G-7 economy likely headed for a recession this year dig deep into taxpayer funds to host an anachronistic pageant honoring hereditary rule.
If that doesn’t smack of a grand old time to you, well, you’re in good company. Some of the United Kingdom’s biggest stars, including Adele, Harry Styles, Elton John, the Spice Girls, and Ed Sheeran have all reportedly declined invitations to perform at Charles’ big day. The House of Windsor is now scrambling to find someone—anyone—to headline the royal gig.
What’s behind the apparent snubs? Well, that’s a bit of a Rorschach test. You could easily see why the likes of Adele and Harry Styles could be allergic to a wasteful event that’s bound to see atrocious blokes like Jeremy Clarkson among the high-profile guests. Seen from another angle, perhaps they’re Meghan Markle supporters. Or maybe they simply want to steer clear of that drama altogether. Either way, they’re Adele and Harry Styles; they certainly have better things to do. As for Elton, I’m not sure why the royals would think to reach out to the close friend of Princess Diana to play at a ceremony partly honoring the woman that made her life hell.
“I wouldn’t quite panic yet,” Christopher Andersen, a royal biographer, told Fox News in a write-up teeming with various excuses for why people may be turning down Charles’ big day, including a random mention of Adele’s back pain. “There is also a long list of American pop stars chomping at the bit to perform,” Andersen insisted, pointing to Alicia Keys and Diana Ross as previous examples of Americans who performed for Charles’ mummy.
Sure, I guess I could see a world where Taylor Swift ends up playing the gig; “London Boy” points to exactly that kind of torment. But here’s to hoping we Americans rise above any Anglophile affliction we might possess—and keep relishing a monarchy in shambles.