George W. Bush Running Mate Application

George W. Bush needs a running mate, but sufficiently bland-yet-dignified candidates are hard to come by. Are you veep material?

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Please print this page and fill out the questionnaire using a typewriter or print neatly using black or blue ink only.

Name:_________________________

Address:_______________________

Age:___________________________

Occupation:____________________

Marital Status (check only one):
Single: __ Married: __ Other: __

Blood type (check only one):
A: __ A-: ___ B: __ B-:__ AB: __ AB-: __ O: __ O-: __ Blue: __

  1. The most important quality I would bring to a national ticket is (circle one):
    1. A fierce dedication to uphold the Constitution of the United
    2. States.

    3. The electoral vote guarantee of an important swing state.
    4. Respect and dignity.
    5. Money. Lots and lots and lots of money.

  2. Which of these statements is truest (circle one)?
    1. “Blood is thicker than oil.”
    2. “Oil is thicker than water.”
    3. “Blood is thicker than water.”
    4. “Oil and blood have approximately the same viscosity, but oil is easier to use as leverage.”

  3. The investment of portions of Social Security in the stock market is (circle one):
    1. A good idea.
    2. A great idea.
    3. A great idea the public will come to trust after I’ve talked to them about it.
    4. The worst idea since oyster-flavored popsicles.

  4. Please spell “potato.”

  5. Singular: ___________ Plural: _____________

  6. Hunting is better than golfing.

  7. True: ____ False: ____

  8. Did you ever know, work with, or have as a good friend, Jack Kennedy?

  9. Yes: ____ No: ____

  10. Jeb Bush’s children are (circle one):
    1. Black.
    2. Red.
    3. Brown.
    4. Short.

  11. Complete this statement. Women (circle one):
    1. Should be seen barefoot and pregnant but not heard.
    2. Got to learn to relax for the inevitable.
    3. Deserve to be executed just like normal people.

  12. As an impressionable youth, I experimented with (circle all that apply):
    1. Marijuana.
    2. Cocaine.
    3. LSD.
    4. Campaign finance reform.

  13. Electric Shock Therapy (circle one):
    1. Should be utilized only as a last resort.
    2. Is like drinking three triple shots of bourbon real fast.
    3. Can be fun.

  14. If you cannot answer yes to A, please complete B.
    1. I have many children. Yes: ____ No: ______
    2. Why not? ____________________________

  15. The W in George W Bush stands for (circle one):
    1. Wimp.
    2. Wussie.
    3. Walker.
    4. What the hell do I stand for?

  16. Please answer the following question to the best of your ability:
  17. “Who am I, and why am I here?”

    _________________________________________
    _________________________________________
    _________________________________________

SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

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SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

payment methods

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