January/February 2001 Issue

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The digital apostles will tell you that anything you can do in the real world you can do better online. But as Eyal Press and Jennifer Washburn detail in “Digital Diplomas“, cyber-education has a lot to prove before it can rival its brick-and-ivy counterpart. Herewith, five other traditionally offline (now online) activities that illustrate there’s no substitute for the real thing.

Collar Not Included
Is nothing sacred? Every month some 3,000 people become ordained ministers with a single click at the Web site of the Universal Life Church. Those who find religion here can print their certificate of ordination free of charge. For just $89, they also get the ULC’s “Ministry in a Box,” which includes a tax guide and baptismal certificates. Other online offerings include holy water and a priestly clothing catalog called Friar Tuck.

I Thee Web
The click’n’hitch technology of cyberwed.com allows nerdy lovebirds to exchange their vows online. With a nod to the reality that cyberweddings too often end at divorce.com, the site also provides a handy prenuptial agreement — to ensure there’ll be no ugliness over who gets the aol account when it’s all over. By themselves, online unions aren’t legally binding. So if you’re tempted, we recommend having a minister (of the non- UCL variety) on hand to officiate.

Last Pageview
Are death videos the wake of the future? The folks at Fergerson Funeral Home seem to think so. When Henry Armitage, 81, was buried in Onondaga, New York, friends, family, and war buddies watched the first-ever “memorial webcast” on their home computers. After this pioneering success, Fergerson now proudly offers faraway mourners live funeral video — at a password-protected Web page, of course.

Losing Mountains of Dough
You’ll miss the free cocktails, the stone-faced dealers, and the blue-hairs at the slot machines, but there’s plenty of Vegas-style kitsch at this Internet casino — and at any number of the more than 20,000 other gambling sites on the Web. The Himalayan-themed MountEverestCasino.com encourages intrepid rollers to “reach the highest level of money making fun.”

[Re:] Tell me about your mother
Want an “Internet alternative to psychotherapy”? The jovial Richard V. Sansbury, Ph.D., offers email consultations to the mentally troubled at Headworks.com. Though you won’t be paying for couch time, Headworks still ain’t cheap: E-mails run $24.95 a pop, or $150 a month for “unlimited exchanges.”

WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POSITIVE STORY—OR TWO?

“Great journalism really does make a difference in this world: it can even save kids.”

That’s what a civil rights lawyer wrote to Julia Lurie, the day after her major investigation into a psychiatric hospital chain that uses foster children as “cash cows” published, letting her know he was using her findings that same day in a hearing to keep a child out of one of the facilities we investigated.

That’s awesome. As is the fact that Julia, who spent a full year reporting this challenging story, promptly heard from a Senate committee that will use her work in their own investigation of Universal Health Services. There’s no doubt her revelations will continue to have a big impact in the months and years to come.

Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

Wow.

And it is only because Mother Jones is funded primarily by donations from readers that we can mount ambitious, yearlong—or more—investigations like these two stories that are making waves.

About that: It’s unfathomably hard in the news business right now, and we came up about $28,000 short during our recent fall fundraising campaign. We simply have to make that up soon to avoid falling further behind than can be made up for, or needing to somehow trim $1 million from our budget, like happened last year.

If you can, please support the reporting you get from Mother Jones—that exists to make a difference, not a profit—with a donation of any amount today. We need more donations than normal to come in from this specific blurb to help close our funding gap before it gets any bigger.

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WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POSITIVE STORY—OR TWO?

“Great journalism really does make a difference in this world: it can even save kids.”

That’s what a civil rights lawyer wrote to Julia Lurie, the day after her major investigation into a psychiatric hospital chain that uses foster children as “cash cows” published, letting her know he was using her findings that same day in a hearing to keep a child out of one of the facilities we investigated.

That’s awesome. As is the fact that Julia, who spent a full year reporting this challenging story, promptly heard from a Senate committee that will use her work in their own investigation of Universal Health Services. There’s no doubt her revelations will continue to have a big impact in the months and years to come.

Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

Wow.

And it is only because Mother Jones is funded primarily by donations from readers that we can mount ambitious, yearlong—or more—investigations like these two stories that are making waves.

About that: It’s unfathomably hard in the news business right now, and we came up about $28,000 short during our recent fall fundraising campaign. We simply have to make that up soon to avoid falling further behind than can be made up for, or needing to somehow trim $1 million from our budget, like happened last year.

If you can, please support the reporting you get from Mother Jones—that exists to make a difference, not a profit—with a donation of any amount today. We need more donations than normal to come in from this specific blurb to help close our funding gap before it gets any bigger.

payment methods

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