Debunking Sandra Tsing Loh’s review of I’d Rather Eat Chocolate

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A new book claims women have weaker sex drives than men because of testosterone.
Yeah right. First of all, women have testosterone too. Secondly, testosterone is made out of cholesterol, which is just about the least sexy molecule I can think of.

To be honest, I didn’t read the book but I did read the book review by Sandra Tsing Loh. It holds some truth. Maybe it would help my friend, a 110-pound waif, have some compassion for her libido, which she compares to the libidos of those beefcakes who spend a few hours a day pumping iron at Gold’s. Just because she’s not on the prowl constantly doesn’t mean she’s repressed. Her sex drive isn’t “weaker” but “calmer,” “less demanding,” and “less needy.” She shouldn’t pathologize it. True enough, Loh.

On the other hand, I’ve been mulling over Loh’s anecdote about two obese L.A. lesbians who haven’t had sex since the Clinton impeachment. When I first read about “Teri and Pat” a month ago—suspiciously mentioned by first name only—something just didn’t seem right. In lieu of sex, “Teri and Pat have had a special Monday-night ritual. They order an extra-large cheese pizza… settle in on the couch with large twin bags of Doritos. Each chip is dipped first in cream cheese and then in salsa. Cream cheese, salsa. Cream cheese, salsa…. The Doritos are finished to the last crumb, and then, upon arrival, the pizza as well.”

Here’s what tipped me off: Doritos dipped in cream cheese. Ever seen that? No, because it doesn’t happen. You can dip a Dorito in sour cream, baked brie, even Easy Cheese. But cream cheese is so firm that the Dorito in hand just crumbles. And so does this anecdote, despite Loh’s deft prose. Nobody dips Doritos in cream cheese—not lesbians, not gays, not straights, nobody. Maybe “lesbian bed death” exists, but this Monday night, double-dipping, binge routine does not. “Teri and Pat” are no more than a caricature striking terror in the hearts of women everywhere.