Maybe It’s Maybelline (Then Again, Maybe It’s Placenta)

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Miracle Ingredient: Cow Colostrum
Eva Beauty Epicuren Colostrum Cream; $88/2 oz.
Claim: Bovine postnatal secretion “acts as a super night repair and cell regenerator.”
Don’t hate it because… If you’re skeeved by this one, stop reading now.

Miracle Ingredient: Gold
Chantecaille Nano Gold Energizing Cream; $420/1.7 oz.
Claim: “Consistently replenishes skin’s energy using nanotechnology to safely deliver the power of pure gold.”
Don’t hate it because… A 2006 study found that gold nanoparticles damage skin cells.

Miracle Ingredient: Foreskin
SkinMedica tns Recovery Complex; $145/less than an ounce
Claim: Reverses sun damage, as seen on Oprah
Don’t hate it because… Anti-circumcision activists are way ahead of you.

Miracle Ingredient: Placenta
Plazan Placenta Collagen Mask; $94 each
Claim: Placentas harvested in maternity wards provide “intensive skin rejuvenation.”
Don’t hate it because… Placentas contain estrogen, which has been linked to premature puberty in girls.

Miracle Ingredient: Fetal Cells
Neocutis Bio-Restorative Skin Cream; $130/1.8 oz.
Claim: Cultured skin cells from an aborted fetus “heal wounds without scarring.”
Don’t hate it because… It offends even the most committed pro-choicers.