Pregnancy Mental Health Break: Let’s Panic!

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Babycenter and Parenting are great for pregnancy deets, but the advice jiujitsu of Let’s Panic is satire of the most necessary kind.

Like these pregnancy sections:

Non-Pregnancy-Related Trivia You Can Discuss with Your Non-Pregnant Friends: Apparently those jerks want to talk about something that’s not the miracle growing inside you.

What to Look For in a Pediatrician: Will you choose the attachment-parenting advocate, or the attachment-loathing automaton?

Who’s Going to Catch That Baby?: Wait—do you even have a birth philosophy?

Or their “Surviving Bed Rest” advice:

You can still be a productive member of society even flat on your back in a dark, stuffy room surrounded by dirty teacups. Where your body has failed you, your mind can now develop new paranoias you never knew existed!

Try to figure out what you did to deserve this: Think back. Was it the time you laughed at your mom’s varicose veins? You definitely did something and the Universe waited until now to punish you.

Chat up telemarketers: After they insist that they cannot ship you any diseased carcasses via the postal service, you can get to talking about more personal matters. Like, “Wouldn’t you haul slabs of limestone to your friend’s bedside? You wouldn’t think that was too much to ask, would you, Shonda?”

Knit all of your baby’s clothing for the next fifteen years: For years, every time your child dresses it will be a reminder of how much you sacrificed so that he might be born. Just let him try and complain that his woolen swim trunks bunch up during pool time at camp. LET HIM TRY.

Build a bed-fort.

Anyway, made me laugh today. Pass it on to your pregnant/new parent friends—especially the ones you wish would lighten up a little.

Laura McClure hosts podcasts, writes the MoJo Mix, and is the new media editor at Mother Jones. Read her investigative feature on lifehacking gurus in the latest issue of Mother Jones.

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is the first thing despots go after. An unwavering commitment to it is probably what draws you to Mother Jones' journalism. And as we're seeing in the US and the world around, authoritarians seek to poison the discourse and the way we relate to each other because they can't stand people coming together around a shared sense of the truth—it's a huge threat to them.

Which is also a pretty great way to describe Mother Jones' mission: People coming together around the truth to hold power accountable.

And right now, we need to raise about $400,000 from our online readers over the next two months to hit our annual goal and make good on that mission. Read more about the information war we find ourselves in and how people-powered, independent reporting can and must rise to the challenge—and please support our team's truth-telling journalism with a donation if you can right now.

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