Best Abstinence Advice Ever

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If you’re like me, and you have trouble keeping friendly frontal hugs from turning into full-on depraved bonefests, you’ll appreciate the advice of these side-hug-advocating, Jesus-loving white rappers (h/t the Rumpus): 

Honestly, even though my Catholic-school teachers forced me to watch graphic abortion videos when I was a child, I had a hard time believing a big Christian group would really endorse something this misguided. Forget that even Bristol Palin knows that abstinence-only education is just silly; what’s with the gunfire and sirens? But consider the matter fact-checked: “Mm-hm, that was us,” the Encounter Generation Conference secretary told me this morning. “The side hug is just a little rule we have around here, to encourage kids to keep their hands off each other.” Apparently they’ve also recorded songs set to the Phantom of the Opera theme and Queen’s “We Are the Champions.” Since those are, unfortunately, not available on the Internet, I offer you Christian punk band Lust Control’s catchy anti-masturbation screed. My favorite part is where they remind you that Jesus “sees everything you do”—though it’s a slightly less creepy deterrent than what I was taught in grade school, which is that if you touch yourself, Jesus AND your dead relatives will watch. 

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As we wrote over the summer, traffic has been down at Mother Jones and a lot of sites with many people thinking news is less important now that Donald Trump is no longer president. But if you're reading this, you're not one of those people, and we're hoping we can rally support from folks like you who really get why our reporting matters right now. And that's how it's always worked: For 45 years now, a relatively small group of readers (compared to everyone we reach) who pitch in from time to time has allowed Mother Jones to do the type of journalism the moment demands and keep it free for everyone else.

Please pitch in with a donation during our fall fundraising drive if you can. We can't afford to come up short, and there's still a long way to go by November 5.

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