Top 5 Christmas Conspiracies of 2009

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The War on Christmas died a quiet death in 2009, according to Slate‘s Chris Beam. He’s right, to a point: The righteous anger at retail outlets that used the phrase “happy holidays” is, (mostly) a thing of the past. But in its wake a new kind of conflict has arisen, that, in its idiosyncrasies and insanity, bears witness to where the nation’s political pulse has been and is going. The War on Christmas hasn’t ended. It’s just been teabagged.

 

Let’s roll the tape:

 

The Holy Census: This winter, civil rights groups sought to raise awareness (and allay concerns) about the 2010 Census by highlighting the role of government record-keeping in the birth of Christ (Joseph and Mary were in Bethlehem for a Roman census). What could go wrong? I’ll let the Free Republic respond:  “How come whenever a group of God hating, sacrilegious, communist, dictatorial, bureaucratic, evil, unscrupulous, conniving atheists invoke the name of Jesus I find myself questioning their motives?”

The Copenhagen Conspiracy: The UN deliberately scheduled its climate change conference in Denmark to coincide with the Christmas season, as an affront to Christians—this according to Tomasz Teluk, a Polish economic analyst, who disclosed the conspiracy in a Warsaw daily earlier this month.

 

The Ben Nelson Christmas Special: For conservatives, this Christmas season happened to coincide with an utterly catastrophic debate over health care reform; while this was happening, centrist Democrat Ben Nelson was publicly opposing the bill, because that’s what Ben Nelson does. But maybe there was some other secret motive the media (and Nelson) weren’t talking about? Cue Fox News legal analyst Peter Johnson: “[Nelson is] saying, implicitly, the true meaning of Christmas is that you don’t destroy babies. You don’t destroy children.”

 

Obama vs. Charlie Brown: Ben Nelson wouldn’t need to send implicit messages about Christmas’ true meaning if everyone had already watched A Charlie Brown Christmas. However, according to Russell Wiseman, mayor of Arlington, Tenn., that was impossible because President Barack Obama deliberately scheduled his major policy speech on Afghanistan to coincide with the movie’s December 1 broadcast. Fortunately Glenn Beck, as he is wont to do, saved Christmas by recording for posterity his own rendition of Linus’ monologue from the movie.

 

Desiree Rogers, Grinch: Responding to a report that the White House social secretary had nixed plans for a White House nativity scene, Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, declared that the administration was trying to “neuter” the holiday: “If the Obamas want to deprive their children of celebrating Christmas, that is their business. It is the business of the public to hold them accountable for the way they celebrate Christmas in the White House.” Truth to power.

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Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

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WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POSITIVE STORY—OR TWO?

“Great journalism really does make a difference in this world: it can even save kids.”

That’s what a civil rights lawyer wrote to Julia Lurie, the day after her major investigation into a psychiatric hospital chain that uses foster children as “cash cows” published, letting her know he was using her findings that same day in a hearing to keep a child out of one of the facilities we investigated.

That’s awesome. As is the fact that Julia, who spent a full year reporting this challenging story, promptly heard from a Senate committee that will use her work in their own investigation of Universal Health Services. There’s no doubt her revelations will continue to have a big impact in the months and years to come.

Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

Wow.

And it is only because Mother Jones is funded primarily by donations from readers that we can mount ambitious, yearlong—or more—investigations like these two stories that are making waves.

About that: It’s unfathomably hard in the news business right now, and we came up about $28,000 short during our recent fall fundraising campaign. We simply have to make that up soon to avoid falling further behind than can be made up for, or needing to somehow trim $1 million from our budget, like happened last year.

If you can, please support the reporting you get from Mother Jones—that exists to make a difference, not a profit—with a donation of any amount today. We need more donations than normal to come in from this specific blurb to help close our funding gap before it gets any bigger.

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