My (Fake) Interview With Jeff Bezos

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124348109@N01/5129303018/">jurvetson/Flickr</a>

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If you missed Wired‘s recent cover interview with Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, you should check it out. Reading it on a plane recently, I was interested in a) knowing how thoroughly he controls important internet things (and possibly soon space travel) and will eventually be low-paying abusive overlord of us all, and b) being reminded why people do not assign me things like interviews with Jeff Bezos. Interviewer Stephen Levy is an old pro, and handled Bezos’ comments with a good deal more class than I would have mustered. Below, some of Bezos’ quotes to Wired and the responses I was hollering in my head while reading them:

Bezos: For your typical consumer book—I’m not talking about textbooks or anything specialized—$9.99 is really the highest price that’s reasonable for customers to pay.

McClelland: A good sandwich costs $7.99. Don’t you think my deli puts considerably less skill, time, and resources into making egg salad and prosciutto than an author puts into a decent book?

Bezos: We like [Zappos’] unique culture [of “happiness and customer service”], but we don’t want that culture at Amazon. We like our culture, too. Our version of a perfect customer experience is one in which our customer doesn’t want to talk to us. Every time a customer contacts us, we see it as a defect.

McClelland: That makes you sound like a total sociopath.

Bezos, on why he aggressively opposes state sales tax: There are five states where we collect sales tax. We do great in those states. That’s not what this is about. We want federal legislation. That’s what we’ve been working on. And I think we can get that done this year.

McClelland: Oh good. We definitely need more CEOs posting billions in profits and not contributing to the societies that help them make it in any way, except donating $42 million to a foundation building a clock that will last for 10,000 years.

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WE CAME UP SHORT.

We just wrapped up a shorter-than-normal, urgent-as-ever fundraising drive and we came up about $45,000 short of our $300,000 goal.

That means we're going to have upwards of $350,000, maybe more, to raise in online donations between now and June 30, when our fiscal year ends and we have to get to break-even. And even though there's zero cushion to miss the mark, we won't be all that in your face about our fundraising again until June.

So we urgently need this specific ask, what you're reading right now, to start bringing in more donations than it ever has. The reality, for these next few months and next few years, is that we have to start finding ways to grow our online supporter base in a big way—and we're optimistic we can keep making real headway by being real with you about this.

Because the bottom line: Corporations and powerful people with deep pockets will never sustain the type of journalism Mother Jones exists to do. The only investors who won’t let independent, investigative journalism down are the people who actually care about its future—you.

And we hope you might consider pitching in before moving on to whatever it is you're about to do next. We really need to see if we'll be able to raise more with this real estate on a daily basis than we have been, so we're hoping to see a promising start.

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