We Have Some Bad News For You About That Hilarious Dog-Walker Craigslist Ad Everyone Is Talking About


Update, Sunday, January 18, 2015: We have more bad news. Apparently this dude is a plagiarist. Yahoo Tech editor Jason Gilbert wrote this Craigslist post years ago and the guy in Seattle stole it. 

On Sunday, a “dog-walker” in Seattle posted a Craigslist ad offering their services to “rich-ass dog owners.” The lengthy—and hilarious!—ad took the internet by storm. One site went so far as to call it the “Great American Craigslist Ad.” 

HEY RICH-ASS DOG OWNERS:

Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every last penny out of your 20’s and 30’s?

Are you going out of town with your post-divorce trophy-girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in the Barbados?

Do you work for a corporation that received Tarp money?

I AM YOUR DOG-WALKER

I am the most radical, bitching, mind blowing dog- walking experience in all of Seattle. All dogs are STOKED when I’m around, regardless of breed or sex. Your dog is gonna be on me like Charlie Sheen on a porn star mad of amphetamines; when I’m ascending toward penthouse suite in your private elevator, bitch’s nipples are gonna be ROCK HARD.

Do I have experience walking dogs?

I’M A HUMAN BEING, OF COURSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE WALKING DOGS. THIS ISN’T LINEAR ALGEBRA, FOLKS; ITS DOG-WALKING

The heroic rant continues. Other people found it quite amusing as well and deemed it the latest “great American Craigslist ad.” 

But when reached for comment, our “dog-walker” revealed the hard-hitting truth. 

Ummm… I posted this as a joke. I have surprisingly gotten people that want me to walk their dogs. Ive got more marriage proposals and offers for sex more than anything. I prefer to remain anonymous but i will tell you that I am married with a daughter and contrary to my post(that is a joke) I make a comfortable living and I’m pretty much your average joe family man. The reason I posted it is to show what happens when you go to college and stack up student loans and dont have a plan afterwards. you’ll turn out having to walk dogs with a shitty outlook on society.

The moral of this story is that nothing on the internet is ever true.

Sorry, guys.

Here is a screenshot of the ad for when it gets taken down:

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If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

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