October 3, 2018

The Pentagon Just Released This Ridiculous Cartoon and the Internet Can’t Stop Laughing

No more enemies, only “bad guys” to fight.

Department of Defense

Get your news from a source that’s not owned and controlled by oligarchs. Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily.

The Department of Defense unveiled a snazzy website redesign today, capping off what chief Pentagon spokesperson Dana White called a “long overdue” change and a way to “more completely share our military’s story with the American people.”

That strategy apparently included the production of a two-minute animated video which explains the five branches of the military using puns, cartoon pirates, and many ominous references not to mortal enemies with weapons of mass destruction, but “bad guys.”

We’re not kidding.


“While there’ve been plenty of movies about our armed forces, most tend to exaggerate what our military does, day in and day out,” we’re told by a kindly-voiced narrator. “Here’s the real scoop about the Department of Defense and how our military keeps you safe!” 

First up is the Army, which we apparently includes as many people “as the population of Atlanta.” Their job is “to fight and win our nation’s wars.” 

The Navy, lest we forget, is “all about the water. They work on it, above it, and below it.” Because of America’s naval power, “things like food, electronics, and cars” can travel the seas safely. Our naval forces also, apparently, fight really cute cartoon pirates!

The Marine Corps are “a bad guy’s worst nightmare.” They come from “sea and air to fight adversaries on land and they are very, very good at it.” 

The Air Force has our back in the “air, space, and cyberspace.”

They drop bombs too—or, as the half-glass-full narrator puts it, fight “bad guys all around the world.” 

Bringing up the rear is the Coast Guard: “a drug dealer’s worst enemy and a boater’s best friend.” 

The video rocketed around social media on Wednesday, but might not have garnered the type of reaction DoD was expecting. Here are a few responses: 

https://twitter.com/davegershgorn/status/1047578789193142272

Spencer Ackerman, a national security reporter for the Daily Beast, may have had the most common reaction. 

BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things they don’t like—which is most things that are true.

No one gets to tell Mother Jones what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please help with a donation today if you can—even a few bucks will make a real difference. A monthly gift would be incredible.

payment methods

BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things they don’t like—which is most things that are true.

No one gets to tell Mother Jones what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please help with a donation today if you can—even a few bucks will make a real difference. A monthly gift would be incredible.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate